NUNDHAKUMAARUN RAAJAA's POEM

A POEM BY 
NUNDHAKUMAARUN RAAJAA

Rendered in English by Latha Ramakrishnan
(*Modified by the poet himself)

 

My translation modified by the poet reads like this: I thank the poet for his feedback and suggestions.

Latha Ramakrishnan

As usual we all talk

not knowing what to pay attention to

In this gathering

even if we hear our own voice

it's an achievement

that our frame of mind

stages in front of us

as a spectacular voyage

We go to Ooty

We feel cold

We relish Biriyani

We sweat

Somehow

we at least need a photograph’s

miniscule semblance of remembrance.

வழக்கம் போல எல்லோரும் பேசுகிறோம்
எதை கவனிக்க எனப் புரியாமல்
இந்தக் கூட்டத்தில் நம் குரலே நமக்குக் கேட்டால் கூட

அது சாதனை தானே எனும்
நம் உளவியல் ஒரு அற்புதப் பயணத்தை
நமக்கு நிகழ்த்திக் காட்டுகிறது
நாம் ஊட்டிக்குப் போகிறோம்
நாம் ஒரு பிரியாணி உண்கிறோம்
நமக்குக் குளிர்கிறது
நமக்கு வியர்க்கிறது
எப்படியோ
நமக்கு ஒரு ஒளிப்படத்தின்
துளி நினைவேனும் தேவை தானே

(*This is my original translation and the poet has suggested several changes giving reasons for those changes. i have given his suggestions here, after my translation _ Latha Ramakrishnan)

(MY TRANSLATION - FIRST DRAFT)

As usual all of us converse

not knowing what to pay attention to

In this crowd we hearing our own voice

Wow! – what a great achievement!

so our frame of mind

stages in front of us

a spectacular voyage!

We go to Ooty

We relish Biriyani

We feel chilly

We feel sweaty

Somehow or other

we do need a photograph’s

miniscule semblance of 

remembrance –

Don’t we……

  
POET NUNDHAKUMAARUN'S SUGGESTIONS 

AND MODIFICATIONS ARE GIVEN BELOW: I 

THANK THE POET FOR HIS FEEDBACK

·        As usual we all talk ('all of us converse' can become 'we all talk' பேசுகிறோம் ... உரையாடுகிறோம் அல்ல ... என்பதால் இது சரியாகப் பொருந்தும்)

·        not knowing what to pay attention to In this gathering (I do not chose 'crowd' as the 'word' because here a gathering with a purpose turns out to be an unintentionally chaotic crowd as it emerges out in the later lines of the poem) even if we hear our own voice (modified form of 'we hearing our own voice') it's an achievement . (modified form of 'Wow! – what a great achievement!' - I really would not like to have the exclamation punctuation anywhere in my poetry as Basuvayya . Basuvayya said in the prologue of his '101 Poems' - 'My poetry came into a new form and being when I removed all the punctuations during a re-read - especially the exclamation and question marks')

·        that our frame of mind (hmmm ... how about using 'psychology' instead of 'frame of mind' though I like this usage as well) stages in front of us as a spectacular voyage (added 'as' and removed !)

·        We go to Ooty We cold ('feel chilly' modified to 'cold' - will 'shiver' be a much better choice) We relish Biriyani We feel sweaty said in the prologue of his '101 Poems' –

·          We relish Biriyani We feel sweaty ('feel sweaty' modified to 'sweat' - a change in the grammar tone)

·        [I changed the order of these above 4 lines from the original - in fact that is how I should have written - there was no need to disruptively break the immediate continuity - it gives no added pleasure of text]

·        Somehow (removed 'or other' as it is redundant) we at least need a photograph’s (modified 'do need' to 'at least need' for a better impact) miniscule semblance of remembrance (removed '-') Don’t we (removed '....')

·        [but the way you translated the last 3 lines of the original amazingly captures the gist - I would have ordinarily used the word 'memory' instead of 'semblance of remembrance']